(Scene: A brightly lit stage with a heart-shaped podium and a large screen displaying cheesy CGI flames. Our host, a flamboyant character named Cupid, strides onto the stage.)
 

Cupid: Welcome back to "Flirting with the Stars", where hearts ignite and futures collide! Tonight, we have a very special bachelor, a man who can see the future... but can he see a future with one of our lovely bachelorettes? Please welcome, Nostradamus!

(Nostradamus, a skinny young man with a nervous twitch and a robe that's seen better centuries, walks out awkwardly. The audience cheers.)

Cupid: Nostradamus, welcome! So, tell us, what are you looking for in a woman?

Nostradamus: (Stuttering) Well, someone... uh... someone who doesn't mind vague pronouncements about impending doom. And who enjoys long walks on the beach... during the apocalypse.

Cupid: (Waving his hand dismissively) Of course, of course. Standard stuff. But let's get down to brass tackles. Bachelorette number one, please!

(A stunning woman in a sparkling dress strides out. The screen behind her displays the words "Cleo, Aspiring Empress.")

Cupid: Nostradamus, gaze into Cleo's eyes... and tell us, what do you see in her future?

(Nostradamus stares intensely, his eyes crossing.)

Nostradamus: I see... I see... a basket of figs... a very large asp... and a rather unfortunate incident involving a royal barge.

(Cleo faints. The audience gasps.)

Cupid: (Chuckling nervously) Okay, moving right along! Bachelorette number two!

(A woman in a sensible brown dress walks out. The screen reads "Joan, Future Warrior Queen.")

Cupid: Joan, what are your hobbies?

Joan: I enjoy horseback riding, archery, and leading armies into battle.

Nostradamus: (Eyes widening) Armies? Battle? Oh dear, I foresee a rather unpleasant bonfire situation in your future. And some... uh... unfortunate fashion choices involving metal armor.

(Joan looks unimpressed.)

Cupid: (Wiping sweat from his brow) Alright, alright, last but not least, Bachelorette number three!

(A woman in an ornate dress appears. The screen reads "Marie, Aspiring Baker.")

Cupid: Marie, tell us about yourself!

Marie: I love baking cakes, reading, and tending to my herb garden.

(Nostradamus stares at Marie, his eyes suddenly focused.)

Nostradamus: I see... I see... an interesting life... a loving family... many parties… and delicious cakes. Wait, a big cutting blade… but no need to worry about that for now. I still see a lot of happiness!

Cupid: (Beaming) Could this be a match made in heaven? Marie, what do you think?

Marie: Well, he seems nice enough, but I'm not sure about all that creepy talk. Plus, he keeps muttering about a "great fire" in London. It's a bit unsettling.

Nostradamus: (Panicked) Sacré bleu, please stay! I can see us having a wonderful life together... with occasional plagues and famines, of course, but mostly wonderful!

(The audience erupts in laughter as Nostradamus chases Marie off the stage, his robe flapping behind him. Cupid shrugs and smiles at the camera.)

Cupid: Ah, love! It's always a wild ride, especially when you can see the future. Tune in next week for another fiery episode of "Flirting with the Stars!"